


Beautiful, Broken Heroes

by jlstreck



Series: Avengers One Shots [4]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Friendship, Gen, Implied Slash, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Steve Rogers, Protective Tony Stark, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Stucky - Freeform, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Has Issues, implied Steve x Bucky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-07
Updated: 2015-09-07
Packaged: 2018-04-19 14:40:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4750076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jlstreck/pseuds/jlstreck
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This one is heavy on the feels. Heavy focus on suicidal thoughts, so please proceed with caution.</p>
<p>When Bucky overhears a conversation between Tony & Steve it drives him toward suicide. With Steve out of the tower, will Tony and JARVIS manage to hold it together until he returns, or will the attempt to save Bucky only make it worse. </p>
<p>Set post-CATWS but disregarding everything after. For purpose of the story, only Bucky, Steve, and Tony are currently residing in the tower. Implied Stucky. Tony is just a good friend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Beautiful, Broken Heroes

Padding down the hall in his bare feet, hair still wet from his shower, Bucky could hear the murmur of voices coming from the kitchen indicating Steve hadn’t left yet for the day and Tony had emerged from his workshop. Yawning, Bucky decided he might try to get a bit more sleep once Steve left for the day. Guilt washed over him at the knowledge that Steve had lost sleep again thanks to his persistent nightmares about his time as the Asset.

 

He was almost at the end of the hall when the angry tone of the conversation registered. Listening more closely to the words being spoken, Bucky had to brace himself against the wall to avoid crumpling to the ground.

 

“I’ve been more than reasonable with him, but I’m reaching the upper limit of the bullshit that I can deal with. It’s not my job to fix everything for him. He’s got to take responsibility for what he’s done and what he wants to do.” Steve’s words were an angry growl, loud and full of agitation.

 

“I’m not going to say you’re wrong, because you’re not.” There was a brief pause in Tony’s response. “I’m just saying, are you sure you want to go in there and try to talk about it with him when you’re this pissed?”

 

Bucky waited, lungs burning as he refused to breathe until someone spoke.

 

“No. You’re right. I need to cool off first. I’m going to meet with Hill. I’ll deal with this after.”

 

“Then get to it. Those no point dragging this out any longer than necessary. You’re going to make yourself sick trying to deal with the bullshit.”

 

Bucky’s entire body trembled as he turned, glad for the stealth so ingrained in him that he could hurry without making enough noise to attract attention. Reaching the room he shared with Steve, he managed to slip inside and shut the door before sinking to the ground.

 

*********

 

“Sir.” JARVIS interrupts as Tony is hunched over his latest project.

 

“Was there a call to assemble?” The engineer doesn’t bother to look up from is work.

 

“No, sir, but …”

 

“I thought I told you not to interrupt unless there was.” Tony barks at the AI.

 

“SIR!” JARVIS shouted at Tony, making him jump as he finally looked up.

 

“What?”

 

“You need to go to Captain Rogers’ room. Now.”

 

“What’s broken now? Is he even back yet?” Tony doesn’t miss the edge of panic in his AI’s tone though, so he’s wiping the grease off his hands and heading for the door as he speaks. JARVIS doesn’t just panic for the fun of it.

 

“It’s Sergeant Barnes. Per the privacy settings, I do not have visual or audio in the room, but his vital signs indicate distress.”

 

“Do you always monitor him so closely?” Tony asks as he enters the elevator.

 

“No sir, but he seemed particularly distressed when he re-entered the room this morning before Captain Rogers left, so I thought it prudent to pay closer attention.”

 

“But he wasn’t out of the room before Steve left for his meetings.” Tony’s brow furrows in confusion.

 

“Indeed, he was Sir. He was headed toward the kitchen where you and the Captain were conversing before opting to return to their room instead.” JARVIS explains, sounding a bit annoyed at Tony questioned him.

 

“Shit.” Tony exclaims in a harsh exhale. “What did he hear?”

 

“The end of the conversation regarding how the Captain should handle his issues with Agent Michaels.” JARVIS confirms what Tony fears.

 

Tony is out of the elevator before the doors are completely open. “JARVIS, do everything you can to reach Captain Rogers, and tell him he is needed at the tower as soon as possible.”

 

“Yes, sir.”

 

Skidding to a stop in front of Steve and Bucky’s bedroom door, he is suddenly very unsure what to do. He has no idea exactly what is happening inside the room. No idea if it is riskier to make JARVIS unlock the door and barge in or to knock and give Bucky more time to react. And let’s face it, Tony knows he isn’t known for being the reasonable one in the midst of an emotional crisis.

 

Deciding that surprising a potential unstable assassin is not the wisest idea, he settles for knocking. Three heavy raps on the door, and he waited in silence to see if there was a response.

 

“JARVIS, forget the privacy settings. Give me a hint what’s going on in there.” Tony asks.

 

“Sir, I suggest you enter. He is at the desk writing. While he does have a firearm within reach, I do not believe you will be in any danger.” JARVIS replies in mere seconds, and Tony hears the door click open.

 

He stares at the door for a moment considering the situation. Bucky overheard the conversation about Cap being over Agent Michaels incompetency, but not enough to know it was the idiot agent they were discussing. Bucky is writing. Bucky has a gun next to him.

 

Tony is pushing the door open before he even realizes what he’s doing. “Bucky.” His body freezes as soon as his eyes take in the other man’s appearance. His hair is swept up into a messy bun, a few strands falling down into his face. Tony can see the tear stains streaking his face. Bucky is slumped over the desk, so absorbed in his writing that Tony wonders if he even realizes something has entered the room.

 

“What do you need, Stark?” The question rumbles from him lacking the normal annoyance. Tony would gladly do something stupid to hear annoyance instead of defeat.

 

“Thought I’d come see how you were doing. We haven’t had a chance to talk much since I finished the updates to your arm.” Tony tries to distract him from what’s he’s doing, and how incredibly unusual it is for him to show up unexpected.

 

“Can’t see why you’d have any interest in checking on me. Or are you here to smooth the way for Steve? Make sure I don’t do anything stupid when he tells me he’s had enough?” Bucky sets the pen down atop the paper, and finally looks up at Tony. “I promise I won’t be an issue.”

 

“I’m pretty sure you’re operating under a rather profound misunderstanding about that.” Tony starts.

 

“Somehow I doubt it.” Bucky cuts him off. “I’m a fucking mess, Stark. Even I’m not oblivious enough to miss that. He’s got every right to be tired of dealing with my crap. I’m stuck in this stupid fucking limbo between the Asset and the best friend he remembers. I’m never going to be the person he needs. I’ve got to much blood on my hands.” His voice falters. “I never deserved the chances he gave me, so I’ve no right to be surprised that he’s done giving them.”

 

“But you’re wrong …”

 

“Give it up, Stark. I’m not stupid.” He reaches for the paper on the desk, carefully folding what appears to be at least three sheets before slipping them into an envelope. “Can you just make sure he gets this?” Bucky extends the envelope toward Tony.

 

“No.” The billionaire shakes his head. Taking the letter implies his agreement with this idea, and he will not agree.

 

“Fine.” Bucky stands, carrying the envelope toward Steve’s night stand. “He’ll find it soon enough anyway.”

 

“So what’s your plan here? Leave a note for him to find after he finds you on the floor bleeding out from a bullet hole? You really think I’m going to walk out of here and let you do that?”

 

“You really think you can stop me if I push you out of this room?” Bucky strides back to the desk, hand hovering over the gun as he speaks.

 

“No, but I doubt you really want to shoot me either. If the blood on your hands is bothering you already, you can’t really want to add more to it right before you go.” He steps forward, trying to get closer to Bucky. “Anyway, if it’s just being in his way that bothers you, which you’re still wrong about, why not just pack up and go somewhere else for a while. I’ve got places. Plenty of them. He won’t be happy that I let you leave, but if you need time to yourself I’ll do it.”

 

“Time isn’t going to fix anything. I don’t know that I can come back from this the way he needs me to. I took too many innocent lives without a second thought. If my life is my penance for that, then I accept it.”

 

“But that wasn’t you!” Tony yells before he can stop himself. “Have you heard a single person in this tower blame you for the things that happened while you were the Asset?”

 

Bucky stares him down, taking a deep breath before responding. “Just because they don’t say it, doesn’t mean it isn’t true. I killed your parents, Stark. You can’t tell me you don’t want justice for that.”

 

Tony’s breath catches. He should have known that would come up.

 

“I’ve made my peace with that already. I know enough to know that you would never have done it if it weren’t for being under HYDRA’s control.”

 

“It doesn’t matter. There is too much blood on my hands. I can’t change that, and I don’t deserve the chance at happiness that I denied all my victims.”

 

The room is silent for several seconds. Bucky isn’t backing down on this, so convinced he is right. Replaying those last words, Tony stumbles on a plan.

 

“Fine. If you deserve to die for the innocent blood you spilled while being controlled by a bunch of fucking criminal assholes, then I deserve no less. After all, I was making and selling weapons for years without giving a shit how many innocent people died on the receiving end of them. If death is the only way to make up for that, then we do it together.”

 

“No. Damn it, Stark. You don’t deserve to die. Think of all the people you’ve saved as Iron Man. All the good your company has done since you got your head out of your ass.” Bucky steps forward, gripping Tony’s shoulders, and shaking him.

 

“The good I’ve done doesn’t matter if the good you’ve done doesn’t. You can’t hold me to different rules than you hold yourself.” Tony wraps his hands around Bucky’s wrists. “Either we both die or we both live. You make the call.”

 

So absorbed in their argument, neither man realizes that they’re no longer alone in the room until Steve is on top of them. His strong arms wrap around their necks, pulling them into a crushing embrace against his chest.

 

“No. No. No. No. No.” He whispers over and over, his head tucked between theirs.

 

Tony feels Bucky begin to struggle against the embrace, and wraps his own arm around the soldier’s back in an effort to hold him there.

 

“My beautiful, broken heroes. Why would either of you think you deserve to die?” Steve kisses them both on the top of the head. “How could you be so cruel to leave me here without you.”

 

“You don’t need me.” Bucky mumbles against Steve, his tears soaking the front of the blond’s shirt. “You said it yourself this morning. You’ve had enough of my shit. It’s time for me to go.”

 

“I didn’t …”

 

“Don’t try to lie about it to make me feel better. I heard you. Both of you.”

 

Steve tenses, trying to find a way to prove Bucky is mistaken.

 

“Captain,” JARVIS’s voice interrupts. “If I might be so bold as to intrude, perhaps I could replay the portion of the conversation that Sergeant Barnes missed.”

 

Sighing, arms still wrapped around the other two, Steve nods. It takes only a few seconds for his and Tony’s voices to begin playing.

 

“You don’t look so happy there, Cap. Your new little Agent still not meeting your standards?”

 

“I’m not sure Agent Michaels is meeting any standards. I don’t know how they picked him, but I’ve never seen anything so ridiculous.”

 

“That’s saying a lot coming from you. I figured after dealing with me any agent Hill threw at you would be a snap.”

 

“You’re a walk in the park compared to Michaels. I’ve been more than reasonable with him, but I’m reaching the upper limit of the bullshit that I can deal with. It’s not my job to fix everything for him. He’s got to take responsibility for what he’s done and what he wants to do.”

 

“Michaels. Not me.” Bucky’s voice is so low that it’s surprising Steve actually hears him.

 

“Yeah, Buck. Michaels. Not you. Haven’t you heard me griping about that idiot?” Steve let’s his hand tuck the loose strand of Bucky’s hair back behind his ear. “Do you think maybe we can go make some tea and talk about all this?”

 

Tony starts extricate himself from the super soldiers, knowing Steve has things in hand at the moment.

 

“Don’t even think it, Tony. If what I heard when I walked in here is any indication, you need to be a part of this conversation as much as either of us.”

 

Tony tries to wave him off. “It’s no big deal. Really. I’m fine.”

 

“Bullshit.” Bucky calls him on his attempt to evade. “You don’t pull out an idea like that so fast if you haven’t already thought about it.”

 

“Come on. I don’t expect us to solve this over one cup of tea, but clearly there are some things that need to be dealt with.”

 

Steve keeps an arm wrapped around Bucky as he starts toward the door. He smiles just a bit when Bucky grabs Tony’s wrist and pulls him along with them. He knows this is far from over. They all have demons to face, and it won’t be done in one day, but if he can at least convince them to talk to someone before jumping straight to suicide he’ll consider it a victory.

 

After all, Steve really can’t imagine being here without them. Bucky will never be the same person that fell off the train back in the war, but he is still Steve’s everything. While Tony may never mean as much to him, he’s come to appreciate the friendship he has with the billionaire. In their own ways, both mean are part of his family, and he couldn’t cope with letting them go.

 


End file.
